<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>then I can speak no more by rhiannonwrites</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28131288">then I can speak no more</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhiannonwrites/pseuds/rhiannonwrites'>rhiannonwrites</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Autistic Sasha Racket, Autistic-Coded Character, F/F, First Kiss, Fluff, sasha-typical awkwardness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:27:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,061</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28131288</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhiannonwrites/pseuds/rhiannonwrites</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She sighs softly, wishing she were better with words, better with people, better with whatever this is that she’s trying to do with Azu.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Azu/Sasha Racket</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>then I can speak no more</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fozzy/gifts">Fozzy</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Happy birthday Fozzy! I love you and I'm so glad I know you. I hope this brightens your day, even though it is very late</p><p>Title from the Sappho quote:<br/><em>When I look on you a moment, then I can speak no more, but my tongue falls silent, and at once a delicate flame courses beneath my skin, and with my eyes I see nothing, and my ears hum, and a wet sweat bathes me and a trembling seizes me all over.</em></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sasha’s hands are shaking.</p><p>She scowls at herself. She can kill people, can rob people blind from right under their noses, can pull off entire heists, all without this kind of anxiety. But talking to Azu is apparently where her brain draws the line, because her hands are shaking and her heart is racing and she is sweating.</p><p>She stands just outside Azu’s door, trying to work up the courage to knock. She thinks briefly that she could just walk in… <em>No, Sasha. Not to Azu. Not for this. </em>She gnaws on her lower lip while she considers. <em>Could just leave. Don’t gotta— </em>Her thought is cut off when Azu’s door swings open, and Sasha nearly jumps out of her skin. “Azu!” Her voice must come out an octave higher than usual. She clears her throat and pitches her voice lower. “Azu. Um, hi. I was just… Ah. Just passing by.”</p><p>Azu frowns. “Sasha, are you alright? I was just about to go get something to eat, but it can wait if you need something.” Her voice is so kind; so soft and gentle. It makes Sasha want to flee, to run back to her own room and shove her face into a pillow and <em>scream</em>.</p><p>“N-no, I don’t need anythin’. Just. Um.” She looks down at her feet and starts to back away. “Nevermind. I should just go…”</p><p>“Sasha, hey, what’s wrong?” Azu reaches out, and when her fingertips brush against Sasha’s, it feels like an electric current, coursing through her hand and up into her arm. She jumps again. Azu pulls her hand away quickly. “<em>Oh! </em>Sasha, I’m sorry! I wasn’t thinking—”</p><p>Sasha stares at her boots. “No, it’s not—” She glances down the hallway, then to Azu. “Can I come in?”</p><p>Azu frowns, but steps aside to let Sasha past. “Sasha, is something wrong?” She asks as she closes the door.</p><p>As soon as It’s closed, Sasha lunges forward to grab Azu’s hand in both of her own, holding it awkwardly between them. “No, Azu, nothin’s wrong.” She stares at their hands for a few moments, chewing on her lip. After a moment, she looks up to Azu’s face. “Just wanted to, ah, spend some time. With you,” she pauses. “Like, just you. Alone.”</p><p>Azu glances at their hands, then looks back up to Sasha’s face. “Oh. Oh! Okay. Would you like to sit down, Sasha?” She asks gently, nodding at her bed.</p><p>Sasha glances over at it, then nods. “Um. Alright. Yeah.” She starts in that direction before Azu has time to react and their hands come apart for just a moment. “Sorry!” She starts to reach for Azu again, then hesitates when she sees how badly her hand is still shaking. She feels her face heat up, and she looks down at her feet, until she feels Azu’s hand gently wrap around her own.</p><p>When Sasha looks back at Azu’s face, Azu is smiling. “It’s alright, Sasha. Come on,” she says, leading her to the bed. She sits down, still holding Sasha’s hand, and pats the spot next to her with her free one.</p><p>Sasha sits down, still looking at their hands. “I. Um…” she sighs softly, wishing she were better with words, better with people, better with whatever <em>this </em>is that she’s trying to do with Azu. Flirting? (<em>Not really,</em> she thinks.) Whatever it is, all she knows is that she’s doing a terrible job of it. She doesn’t have the words to tell Azu… Tell her what, exactly? How she feels? She can’t even explain it to herself. She just doesn’t <em>know</em>, other than the fact that she likes being around Azu, and she keeps thinking about kissing her.</p><p>She looks up at Azu, who gazes back at her, a soft smile playing on her lips. Sasha has never been one for many words, has always been one for action. <em>Fuck it, </em>she thinks, and she moves to sit on her knees so she can reach when she leans forward to kiss Azu, who lets out a sound of surprise, but then kisses back.</p><p>It’s messy and awkward, all bumping noses and clashing teeth. Sasha has never kissed anyone, and Azu’s tusks get in the way. But it sends a pool of warmth flooding through her that she finds she quite enjoys. When Azu wraps an arm around her waist to pull her closer, she lets out a soft hum of approval, her hand coming up to cup Azu’s cheek.</p><p>When they pull apart, Azu is smiling brightly, and Sasha thinks that it feels like a stab to the heart. (But in a good way. Yes. In a very good way.) She lets out a shaky breath, realizing that she’s smiling back. “That was…” She trails off, unsure of how to describe it.</p><p>Azu chuckles softly, pressing her forehead to Sasha’s. “I thought it was nice, Sasha.”</p><p>She nods, letting her eyes fall shut. “Yeah. Nice. Yes.” She lets out a soft sigh at the feeling of the corners of her mouth pulling themselves up into a smile of their own accord. “Yeah. I liked that,” she murmurs.</p><p>When their lips meet again, it’s gentler. Less hurried. Despite her inexperience, Sasha is a quick learner, and Azu does have some experience. So together, they eventually find a rhythm, working around the awkwardness of Azu’s tusks.</p><p>At some point, Sasha climbs into Azu’s lap for better access, wrapping her arms around her neck. Azu’s hands come to rest on Sasha’s waist, her touch firm, but gentle. Touch has always a strange thing for Sasha, but with Azu, right now, like this, she finds it comforting. Grounding.</p><p>She pulls back again when Azu’s stomach gives a loud rumble. “Oh. You were gonna go get food, huh?” She asks, grinning sheepishly.</p><p>Azu returns the smile. She seems to <em>glow</em> with it. “I liked this better,” she murmurs softly. And then when her stomach gives another growl, “But perhaps I could eat something. Do you want to come with me?”</p><p>“I could eat,” Sasha says with a nod, moving off of Azu’s lap to stand. She can’t seem to wipe the grin off her face, but she’s not sure she wants to, because Azu’s is absolutely <em>radiant.</em></p><p>While they eat, she thinks about how much she’d like to kiss Azu again, and hopes she’ll get another chance soon.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>